If you step on a nail, you're going to have a bad time

Yessss I began my mid semester break off like no other break has ever started. Friday was the day of planned departure, but one of the other two of my traveling companions wasn’t feeling well so we decided to postpone the trip until Monday when the next boat departs Suva. This wasn’t bad news exactly because it gave me time to write the two papers I had due the week after break. Well one night upon completion of one paper I decided to give myself a treat by making coconut rice, which is nothing more than boiling the rice in the coconut water and adding the meat in there too. Being the master palm tree climber I am I strutted out to the tree where my dinner awaited and Stabo! After I hopped around in pain for a second I looked down to find a sharpened piece of metal jutting out of the ground. I concluded that sharp metal objects probably shouldn’t be partially concealed in ones back yard, but no worries this would only slow me down a little, only a little hobble. Well, during the trip everything was fine and dandy I cleaned it well and it didn’t show any signs of badness until the return on Monday morning. After attempting to sleep on a boat filled with cockroaches and snoring Fijians I stood up and found it really hurt. As the day progressed I decided I actually was sick and had a fever. After talking with the folks who of course one was said ”continue watching it,” and the other said “go to the doctor asap so you don’t die” I headed out to class to turn in my paper. At this time there was no rain just looked like a crappy day. I walked the long way to class, because it is less hazardous, and found that I really really didn’t feel good. I printed off my paper and during class I was a zombie spacing in and out of consciousness and ignoring all living things. If having an infected foot and a fever wasn’t bad enough my fellow students decided that there wasn’t enough time to complete the paper and asked for an extension on the due date until Friday. First of all I don’t understand how they couldn’t have finished the paper, because the topic was who, how and what are qualities of leaders, which is almost the simplest topic known to the essay world, and I do believe that foreign exchangers are the only ones who actually go and do something over break. As I exited class about ready to puke I decided the doctor on campus wouldn’t be the worst idea after all. In the waiting room I was able to inform myself of the proper BMI of both Fijians and Indians, because apparently it is different, and why smoking doesn’t relieve stress. I entered the office and I was out, go figure, the doctor said “here take these pills and you should be all better” thanks for the real informative input. Well I sulked over to the pharmacy with my prescription of antibiotics, pain pills, and six bandaids. Since I was close by I decided to stop and purchase bread from my usual place neighbor to the pharmacy. Not even kidding whenever I go into this store the cashier and I have the same conversation. “Hello can I get one large sliced loaf please?” he in return looks at the rack with the bread, and says “the breads not cut.” I turn my head an look at the bread slicer further down the counter and ask “do you think you would be able to cut any?” He doesn’t say anything then but only gives me the eyebrow raise of frustration and stares at me for a second. The I ask again “could you please cut some?” And like I ruined his entire day he sulks over to the bread cutter and 30 seconds later is a freshly sliced loaf, how inconvenient. I don’t know I just get a vibe that he really doesn’t appreciate me asking him to go out of his way to cut bread, because he doesn’t work at a bread shop or something. Well I got my drugs and tried to wait out the rain which suddenly came upon Suva. Luckily I had my umbrella hat, which is probably the greatest, but yet pointless invention ever, because once I got home after walking mach 0 my entire body except my head and chest was drenched, my bag even had puddles in it. Well now I have begun the long and arduous task of healing, and I must say I feel better now sweating off a fever, and moving very little for 2 whole days. But hopefully fate will be good to me and I won’t need to amputate my leg. I know many people may feel that I should have done something about this much earlier, but what the heck I’m in Fiji it’s all part of the experience.
Don’t worry my entire break wasn’t a complete disaster, only the beginning and the end. In between it definitely made up for all of the badness. Not everything was perfect, because I was short of food when it came to the 16 hour boat ride from Suva to Savusavu arriving in Taveuni at 10 the next day. I was able to occupy my mind on the trip by finding some locals to discuss life with. Of course I was invited to go to one of the guys village, but I doubt anything will become of that. Luckily when I couldn’t find anyone to talk to the boat provided loads of good old family wholesome entertainment. We were provided with some blockbuster classics like Soccer Mom and who can forget Lasko: Deathtrain both on my top 5 for sure. It doesn’t make any sense to me why someone would ever buy these movies when you can get any movie for $2. The greatest entertainment was watching a cockroach crawl up the wall next to me and flick him into oblivion, and of course make great sound effects with it also. For example Pkeeewwww AAAAAAAHHH. Loads of fun, and there were plenty of roaches for everyone… pun intended because it turns out the married couple I was traveling has the last name Roache.
Finally at the island, we Fiji timed the bus I think it was an hour behind schedule. Also we missed it the first time because I asked some lady if the bus that said Lavena is going to Lavena oddly enough she said it didn’t and pointed us to another one. While we waited on that bus the one I initially saw left and when the driver told us we were on the wrong bus I just didn’t understand why the lady would do that, but just goes to show you can’t trust anyone. When we were departing the bus she tried to give us a little I don’t understand look, but she knows what she did!



Our accommodations turned out to be very nice. We were staying on the outer border of the little village of Lavena, which is as far back into the sticks as one can be on a tiny island. Right away we went snorkeling. The problem was we didn’t have snorkels only goggles so breathing was quite difficult, but well worth it. Luckily I saw my first giant blue starfish, which is something you have a double take with. I swam right by it not noticing it upon a sea of grey coral and then I snapped my head around saying whoa, coolest thing ever!!! But not quite, because the trip gets much more interesting, at least to me.
That night I experienced an evening in the village. Some ladies who worked at the lounge came by and drank kava with us. The curiosity of the night was the large congregation of people around one particular building, and it turns out they were all charging their phone. The generator turns on for three buildings at sun down and then off at 10 pm and that is the only electricity besides a family with a personal one, they are apparently spoiled. I also got to realize what my spoiled life has gotten me other than an expectation for amenities which are not available very often. I slept in a room with no AC and on a foam mattress, which I sank right through to the board below. The board made my back feel great, but the puddle of sweat under me was not very enjoyable. And I couldn’t shower because every night the bathroom gets infested with giant toads, something that is really funny to watch their fat little bodies try and break their way with the Fijian ladies chasing them out. Either they run out the door or into the wall which is equally as enjoyable.
Next day we went on the Kayaking experience out into the ocean, and boy was it good until our guide decided to set a new world record, and because I insisted on going alone in a double canoe I was left behind after I gave up trying to keep up. Stupid pansy shoulders of mine, I knew I should have gotten a weight membership! With the kayaking experience we get to see some secret waterfalls no one can see otherwise, and well worth the extra money too. It was a triple decker which you could climb two of them. I jumped off one which I thought was pretty high and said ok that’s high enough until I was standing atop the next waterfall on the trip which was estimated at 45 feet. Let me tell you, it doesn’t sound impressive, but hoowee when you get up there you just have to pee a little, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Fortunately I had our guide Simone screaming at me from the sidelines, and Aaron, the Roache I mentioned earlier, gave me the signal for a great photo burst I reluctantly leapt. Really cool experience! Sort of like skydiving where you hear the wind gushing by your head nearing terminal velocity until Sploosh. Your ears pop hardcore to the point of considering a blown eardrum and of course I slapped my arms down, which wasn’t a good idea. Left them red and throbbing for a good while. Next crazy thing was one time that Aaron did it his wedding ring popped off. Thankfully a man of persuasion like I am “let’s get the goggles and find them” we decided to look. Miraculously he actually found it. I never planned on finding it because I really can hold my breath for about 15 seconds, which is just pathetic, but I am working on it. No need for thanks world morality, but I saved a marriage, just sort of doing my thing I suppose.




Friday was the big talk of the town. Anna a worker at the Lodge kept saying how much singing dancing and all the bands are going to be at the big fundraising party for the school that night. She kept joking with me telling me I was going to dance, and she really made it sound like it was going to pretty embarrassing or something. When I show up at the makeshift shelter they had erected in the middle of town built with a bamboo frame and a tin roof. Everyone from the town was seated around large bowls of Kava, with a guitar being passed around and everyone would sing. Hmm not quite the party I really envisioned, but it definitely works. We just pretty much sat, and so did the majority of everyone else. Not too much conversation going on, but an occasional shrill laugh. I sat down by a guy and said hey. His response was sort of odd for an old man with a white beard and hair. He covered his face and sort of giggled and cowered away. Odd, but the ladies from the lodge later described him as liking to dance with the men I’m pretty sure I picked up their meaning.
The time came when Anna was like dance with me Danny, so unknowingly I stood up. Now Fijian Dancing was nothing like the enjoyable humorous meke from earlier experiences. What happens is we both put our arms around each other and sort of walk back and forth. Again, not quite what I expected, but just the whole shock of the outrageousness of the party as a whole really blew my mind. They did this all night. I handled about an hour and a half tops, but I felt that was about all that I needed.
That evening luckily I got to bunk up with the married couple in the spare bed in their room because a whole ton of unexpected guests showed up. Something I never really expected myself to be doing while I was on the trip, but better than sleeping in the tents the rest of the crew had to, haha suckers, by the creeper who attempted to crawl in bed with one of them.
More injuries occurred of course. Being the coconut master, I climbed a palm tree and snagged a couple, and was going to feast. While I was peeling out the insides the knife jumped from the shell and sliced a good one right through the side of my pinky finger. Healing and didn’t get too infected so life is good. Another injury came to my heart when we were hiking the Tavoro waterfall trail. In the pool at the second falls of the trail there was just a dead dog lying in the water. Whoopsies must have missed that on Ms. Charge me 15 dollars to enter this trail, and now I can’t even swim in the water because there is a corpse in the water. It was rather sad, and the cursed land even caused Sophie to fall on the rocks when crossing the river. Looked really painful to the point I squealed in pain a bit, but she had no problems.
You could tell the end was near because people were tired, and after Aaron and I checked out the natural waterslides the book pretty much ran out of things for us to do. All except one thing. That night I knew what I had to do. Get to bed early, and so I did. Nearly 10 o’clock and I was out. My plan was to get up at four hike a mountain and see the sunrise from the mountain. Well at 4 it was still dark so I went back to bed, and it was raining so that didn’t help. There were a couple of naysayers in the group who said “Danny No! you can’t go we talked to a cab driver and he said it is very easy to get lost.” Just the adventure I was looking for, if only I had got up. At 7 I stirred, and Aaron gave me a little pep talk, but I recited all of the crybaby excuses I could think of and laid my head back down. Suddenly I was walking down the road towards the mountain, because something inside me said “don’t be a pussy,” and I was up and at em with my 20 pound bag on my back.
At the beginning it was just a gradual climb on a road through a village, and I looked at the farms and things were good. About 2 km later I was still walking by farms and was starting to drag a lot. How on earth could anyone come up here and plant stuff, even if this is a road what a hike. I figured I had to have been halfway there by then, but little did I know it was just beginning. It clouded over so I really couldn’t see the top but once and once I made it above the farms I really couldn’t see anything. Every corner I would look and pray for it to be the top but of course it was always another 100m and then another corner. I didn’t eat anything for breakfast, so luckily mom sent me a handy little bag of trail mix which I demolished, unfortunately I didn’t bring any water. Eventually I really hit the wall and it turned into an “I think I can” ordeal. As I slipped and slopped my way up the moist surface I began to conjure many grandeur fascinations of why I should be climbing this mountain. My favorite one was that I would make it to the top and God would appear to me in my weakness and give me a great burden to carry and spread some sort of revolutionary message to the people of the world. In other words I was Moses so I needed to make it to the top, so I could help people! The next bit was actually very easy with such motivation; at least now and then I would have boosts of speed when I could fantasies up energy.
Finally the Pinnacle approached I was tired, drenched in sweat, and very thirsty. Now for the most amazing view of my life… And I was inside a cloud?!?! A brutal 12km and 1168 m vertical and this is what happens. Well I made it, suck it world and everyone else in Fiji who hasn’t been up here because I’m the man. Luckily there were two radio towers with a number of people drove up to work who could enjoy such a moment with me. Refreshed because of my inhuman victory I skipped down the hill only to fall just once. GO me!
I was happy because it did what I wanted to do made me exhausted for the 16 hour boat trip back. When I boarded luckily a group of my fellow travelers bought a can of corned beef and didn’t like it so I was well fed. Life was looking good. And then as stated earlier I got sick upon return how lovely.
The trip was definitely revitalizing. It reminded me why I was here, and that is to live, and then procrastinate with school because you really can’t help it while abroad. Go life!!

Levuka

History time to the MAXX! The history field trip all began on Thursday afternoon 12:30 Fiji estimated time of departure. It was 12:20 and I sprinted over to the bus stop only to find myself with the other non Pacific Islanders waiting for the bus alone. 1:30 rolls around and finally everyone is there and we depart. On the way we had Fiji time with a number of stops which lasted plenty long for me to sit down and eat a 3 course meal at the Train Station BBQ and use the wet napkin afterwards to avoid making a mess. When we arrived at the landing where the ferry was supposed to meet us the boat was MIA, so we were blessed with getting to know each other stuffed up on a bus while it poured outside. The boat ride wasn’t too crazy because it gets dark when the boat is 2 hours behind schedule. On the island of Ovalau the leading professor said we would have nearly a 2 minute commute to Levuka where we will be spending our weekend. After driving for an hour I felt that my weekend had already had overused the bus.
The first order of business was to conduct our SevuSevu to the Man of Levuka. We walked there through rain, puddle, and wind determined not to miss the SevuSevu, because it is that important. We arrive to the room where there was already a congregation of people huddled around the Tanoa, the Kava bowl. One of the Fijian students went on his knees with both hands on the bundle of unground kava root, while I so comfortably sat cross legged and gave a 5 minute speech which sounded very well rehearsed. Later I learned all it does is state our business and shows gives recognition to the generosity of allowing a visit. Then the spokesman for the village gives a speech which sounds exactly the same to an untrained ear, but instead is accepting our thanks and allowing us into the area. As the kava is distributed I found that I was offered about 5 cups where everyone else was given one. They also laughed whenever I got the cup, so I’m guessing they thought I didn’t like it so they thought it was funny when I refused.
Afterward, it was a walk to the other side of Levuka for pizza. Initially the rain stopped, but while we were walking you could hear behind us something coming up slowly. One of the guys who went with turns around and exclaims “Here it comes” and we began to sprint down the street away from the invisible suffering brought by rain. Luckily as soon as we jumped under an overhang the rain caught us and we were spared its true wrath. Even with such great effort to stay dry we were drenched upon arrival at the Pizza place. Upon the conclusion of the thinnest greasiest pizza ever the group felt it would be proper to wash it down with a few drinks.
The bar experiences never fail to introduce me to very uncomfortable situations. This time it involved a young drunk man who really wanted to talk to the “Angels” or the American girls, and when he was deterred by being ignored he turned to me in order to release some verbal rage. Apparently his ancestors told him about me and that I couldn’t understand because I don’t accept what he is telling me. He didn’t make much sense, but the hand gestures and his tone made him somewhat threatening. Once he left I was able to have a very pleasant conversation about politics with Christian the German, which it turns out that he thought Germany made some bad decisions in WWII, so I was happy to know that they have the same story as us when it comes to such occurrences in history.
Good Friday we went to a Methodist church in a village, and listened to it in all Fijian, which I originally thought would be interesting, but it was actually very very difficult to feel a purpose in being there. The enjoyable moments come when people sing, and they didn’t disappoint as usual. Next came the second Sevusevu of the weekend, which wasn’t as special because this wasn’t an exclusive small group. The entire group of USPers were invited and sat through it. Even the 10 year old Tongan child who came with his mom was able to drink grog, which really killed the grandeur feeling from the night before, and made me feel like a tourist again. Lunch was served and prepared with the process of Lovo of course. Finally, true Fijian cuisine, and let me tell you it sure was traditional. I really do not have a hard time eating things too often, but wow this hurt pretty bad at some parts. I just couldn’t get over the green mud looking stuff from my cut in half crab oozing all over my steamed dalo shoots with coconut milk, and eating with my fingers and sifting through crab intestines and gunk just isn’t a typical meal for me.





After the conclusion of the sevusevu, we were given permission to roam the town as we please and see a number of the historical sites. I felt really bad when our entire group bailed instantly without observing anything, and the most common reason was to go take a nap, makes me want to puke, which unfortunately recently I have taken my first deliberate nap since I’ve been here. : ( Luckily I and a number of other restless souls decided a nap was not really the style of life we desired, so we ventured deep into the villages jungle, about 30 meters out of town, on a path to their swimming area. The waterfall wasn’t too impressive, so luckily I discovered a fine way of adventuring. On the sidewall of the falls there was a thick old vine scaling the 30 ft vertical wall. Giving into my gorilla instincts I decided to venture to the top to see what’s on the other side. I reached the top, which had a walking path up there, leaving instant death behind. Really all I did was to give the others the impression of stupidity, and get bitten by a spider, which sort of hurt a bit, but well worth it. Unfortunately like all of my exploits they were not caught on camera, so there is no documentation of the impressive climb I performed. Later I was climbing another vine except across the pool and it snapped, luckily I was directly over the water, but it made me really appreciate the last climb I had.
That night we were so blessed with a professor who believes in culturing on another so we had a list of songs that are traditional to each of the nations that were represented in our group. Turns out that America was represented with a very lame song, “don’t know much about history,” and after the written songs were depleted they turned to the groups creative side to sing and maybe dance in their unique ways. After a number of Pacific Islander style songs it came to the Americans. Determined to regain our pride I quickly filed through my mental library of songs and of course came up with the best one to sing ever. “Da Turdy Point Buck.” I needed to explain the scenario because I don’t believe anyone really followed the story, but at least I tried. I kicked in a solid accent, and busted out the rhymes. Everyone looked quite confused, because all of their art was beautiful and meaningful where mine was just stupid, but I gave them a good taste of Wisconsin – American culture I feel.
Once upon a time Fiji’s weather was good to me and provided plenty of opportunities to enjoy the land to the fullest. Not here and not now. There was so much rain going on it really dampened my spirits. We did find time to go swimming again with the entire backside population on Levuka, who happen to live up in a valley in the mountains, really cool, but poor unfortunately.




Sunday’s mass was rumored to be at 8 AM and luckily my super flamboyant roommate Joeli I was able to be blessed with times his snoring right when I need to wake up. Of course church doesn’t start until 9 so I was plenty early. Church was pretty much just another mass, except in a neat building and many people sat on the floor, but this one was actually in English though. Adventures that day were postponed due to a lack of organization, but I set out with the instructors eager to impress son, and two very tightly knit Indo Fijian sisters. We set out for Gun Rock where I believed to know where I was going, but found a tour 8 year old tour guide. As we followed him we skipped over the village I have become a member of and began our decent next to a little house. As we walked by, a middle aged woman stuck her head out of a window and began to scold our little guide. She moved outside the house and began to scold me also for just meandering onto someone’s property without permission. She lacked any forgiveness when I told her I was following the little guy, but did say that it was ok because “you don’t know anything” lovely. Luckily, or possibly not, there just so happened to be the first thunderstorm rolling in and I exited because I didn’t think fighting the rain up the hill would have been worth it. Instantly after we entered cover at the hotel lake Michigan fell upon us.
The hotel we were at happened to be surrounded by a little moat connecting on two different sides to the ocean. I would guess it to be 10 feet deep walls, but normally have 2 feet of water in it. Within the hour it was a gushing river of doom sweeping away anything and everything that may accidentally fall in. All I saw was those really terrifying, at least when it becomes a realistic possibility, situations on spike tv where someone is trapped in the middle of a raging river, while people sort of video tape. That is the situation I imagined myself in once the power went out and all you could hear while we ate dinner was flowing water from outside. Luckily nothing came of the river, but the power was out for about 5 hours, and what fun it was wading through knee deep standing water in an attempt to reach my dorm room.
The next day we were compelled to be ready to leave at four so sleeping wasn’t really an option. We first began by relaxing in a room and I listened to some of the most negative conversation of my life. It really consisted of opinions on people I didn’t know too well, and I found it a little cruel some of the things people were mentioning. Once my quota of meaningless insults was finally complete I ventured to our dining hall where 5 of the group members were sitting around drinking grog. Sounds interesting I know, but to entertain between takis Father Brian, and I do mean Father as in a Catholic priest, strummed away on the guitar, while the others in the chorus sang along with such popular tunes like “I’m all out of love,” and my contribution of “Lean on Me.” All night we jammed away bilo after bilo, or a cut in half coconut shell, and enjoyed life.
Turns out 4 o’clock in the morning comes around very fast, and before you know it I’m scrambling around cleaning up my stuff attempting to not be late. And of course being the responsible individual I am, I was cleaning up after the rest of our shack, no need to thank me or even notice, but you’re welcome. I make it to the stop just at four beating nearly all of the group, go figure, and then the bus turns out to be 30 minutes late. Once boarding has been completed and our bus has driven onto the boat I found not only did I have a semi upset stomach, but also I changed my mind about the effects of kava. Turns out the whole body relaxer isn’t an exaggeration. I could hardly even stand up and walk around the boat, but my mind was perfectly clear. Luckily the effects wear off within 2 hours, because if they didn’t the boat would have moved. Let me just point that one out. The boat didn’t leave until 6:30, so why on earth we were standing on it at 4:30 was beyond me. Luckily the boat was beautiful along the entire western coast of Ovalau, and I saw all of the things I wanted to climb earlier, but was unable to because of the rain which decided to plague me the entire weekend.
Once home I was relieved to find it was still 10 in the morning though it felt like it was nearly 4. There was a surprise though. This weekend Edgar somehow picked up a British refugee who has been stranded in Fiji, due to some problems with her visa and stuff, so she is going to live on our couch for the week. So how lovely I have another roommate! But unfortunately for her I hadn’t slept for 36 hours, so I wasn’t much of a host.
Scary story time. I was in my room nearly ready to go to bed, so in my boxers. And there I see the devil slowly creeping up my wall. In order not to scare it I froze, also being completely terrified didn't help either. Once it was up in the curtain rods where I couldn't see it I quickly put clothes on, because doing battle would not be a good idea in underwear. I prepared myself with the proper weapons to crush the crud out of the little vermin once emerged again. Seen I saw him La Coocaracha in all of his enormous glory scurrying up the wall again. I didn't hesitate and struck a killing blow quickly and effortlessly. When I removed my weapon of doom from the corpse it peeled itself off the wall and fell blood and guts on my pillow. Yuck! so pillowcaseless that night I slept, taught me to be aware of my surroundings at all times.
This evening we enjoyed one of our American famous Pot-Luck, and since we had a large number of new people there were questions brought up that I couldn’t answer. The group of Fijians, the British, and the Canadians each asked what the heck a pot-luck is. I really didn’t know so I made up the best answer I could. “Well you see everyone brings a pot of food to share, and you are lucky if you don’t get food poisoning in the end, hence pot-luck.” That was the best definition I could come up with, but if anyone knows the purpose of such a name I challenge anyone to give me a better definition, without looking it up of course.
Well fantastic news. It is the beginning of mid semester break, and not spring break because it is the fall here, so no one understands my spring break lingo. But I will be gone on the garden island of Taveuni hopefully climbing the biggest mountains and jumping off the tallest waterfalls it has to offer. Wish me luck!!!